Breitbart News is reporting that Justin Bieber has assaulted another person. Apparently this time Bieber has beaten one of his neighbors near his home in Los Angeles. It makes one wonder what is going on in this world when in a matter of a year this kid can whip two grown men’s asses! Regular readers will remember it was less than a year ago that Bieber opened up a can of whoop-ass on a member of the paparazzi.
Something must be done about this little terror. This is just the kind of thing that could be avoided with more stringent border security and background checks on all immigrants or those in the country with work visas. Bieber, who has explicitly stated he has no intention of becoming an American citizen, should be kept under constant supervision due to his violent tendencies.
Honestly, would it be such a bad thing to just put this thug-life wannabe behind bars before he actually hurts someone? Violence begins small and steadily works it way up until it becomes uncontrollable. Dahmer started out torturing animals and we all know how that one ended. Bieber may just be slapping people with his frail limp wrists now, but what if this escalates? A year from now we could see him becoming a gender neutral anarchist bent on beating up old people and biting the heads off gerbils.
The country needs to wake up and see that this is a powder keg waiting to explode. It is time to ban him from the country and release our children from his hate filled world. Yes it would be hard in the beginning, but eventually the supply of skinny jeans would dwindle, and our young men would return to normalcy. Teenage girls would cry for days, but with the help of an opportunistic music producer would soon fall in love with the next boy singer whose nuts have yet to drop. Bieber would be a memory in a matter of months. The only reminders would be Youtube videos created by NAMBLA members memorializing the little freak from Canada.
If that is too much to ask for, then perhaps we could go down another path. Sentence him to a special form of community service to atone for his violent tendencies. Instead of picking up trash on the side of the road, his sentence could an entertainment event for the masses, as well as a life lesson for the little fella.
Put him in the ring for five minutes with a UFC fighter for a single round no-holds-barred match. If for some reason Bieber is able to whip the UFC fighter’s ass with those limp wrists then he can stay in the country. Hell, we will all bow down to him and praise his greatness. If he loses, then he has to leave and never come back. Odds are that after the fight we will never see the kid again.
While the news has centered around Bieber, I find it much more disturbing that there is actually someone in America who admits Bieber beat his ass. What kind of girly-man would want the world at large to know that he was beat down by Bieber? If for some reason Bieber whipped my ass, no one would ever know it. I would have it so far buried in the back of my mind that a Vulcan couldn’t pry those memories loose. But Bieber’s victim is proclaiming to the world that Bieber beat him down. Perhaps in his social circle that would constitute a rite of passage. In mine, it would be an acceptable reason for you to perform ritual suicide to reclaim your manhood. Especially after the Canuck Fairy took it from you by force.
Perhaps the real problem here is not the Bieber. He is, after all just a crazy useless Canadian. The real problem could lie in the fact that men in California are getting their ass beat by limp wristed Canadian pop stars. Not saying that all men in the Golden state are weaker than an androgynous high-pitch voice singer from Canada. But honestly folks, this would not have happened in Texas.