The White House released a photo today to illustrate the measures that the President is taking to cope with the vicious attacks upon him and the liberty of the world by conservative groups.
White House Spokesman Josh Earnest pleaded with the media today, asking them to understand that these vicious attacks upon the President and ultimately the American way of life have got to stop.
“These unwarranted attacks have caused a rift in the country greater than anything Barack Obama could ever hope to achieve. Even now the forces of evil in this country are aiming at the heart of all that is good – namely our President – and trying to destroy everything that he has built over the past few years. By doing this our President has been forced to take drastic matters in order to cope with the bombardment of hate which is flowing his way. That is why he has now resumed smoking weed on a daily basis.”
Earnest went on to state that the although the drug is illegal in the District of Columbia, the President made sure to issue an Executive Order excluding him from prosecution for using the drug, and also shielding the brave men and women who have to toil the drug infested streets of D.C. to procure the reefer for him.
Earnest also noted that the President had appointed former D.C. mayor Marion Barry as special counsel to his office until this crisis was resolved.
Obama is not new to the drug scene but it was thought that his days of lighting up were well behind him. His drug use is well documented in both of his autobiographies If I Knew My Father I Would Not Be Such A Pussy, and I Wanted a White Girl But Got a Wookie.
Public sentiment about the new revelations is evenly divided, with half of the country aghast that the leader of the free world would use drugs in such an open manner. While the rest of the country is angered that Obama didn’t invite Jay-Z over to smoke a doobie with him.