Woman Missing After Alligator Attack

Local officials are still searching for a woman reported missing over the weekend, after an alligator attacked her as she was paddling her kayak. Authorities stated that 28 year-old Maggie Bennett was attacked shortly before 9 a.m. Saturday while kayaking with friends on a local creek. This is the fifth attack this summer by alligators on unsuspecting women in kayaks.

Rescuers Continue Search
Rescuers Continue Search

Department of Wildlife representative, Paul Hogan, commented on the situation during a press conference. He noted that the attack occurred in fairly shallow water and there were no warning signs.

Continue reading Woman Missing After Alligator Attack

Obama Shrugs

"Problems? Nah, just some things you don't need to worry about. Let's talk about brave gay basketball players instead.
“Problems? Nah, just some things you don’t need to worry about. Let’s talk about brave gay basketball players instead.
  • The Benghazi massacre
  • Fast & Furious gun-running operation
  • Associated Press wiretap operation
  • Targeting of conservative organizations by the IRS
  • Investigation of a journalist and his family because he asked questions
  • The Pigford Scandal
  • HHS Secretary soliciting donations from companies the HHS would later regulate
  • Solyndra
  • NSA data mining program

And the list could go on and on…

While each bullet point above ranges from the inexcusable (Benghazi) to a program that was not administered correctly (Pigford), all have one common thread, which is that they occurred on Obama’s watch. Of course no leader can possess the power to micro-manage an organization (let alone an entire country), and all administrations are faced with a scandal or two. This administration however seems to have closets full of skeletons waiting to step out and dance in the public view. Continue reading Obama Shrugs

Congressman Woman Plans Mission To Moon

Texas Representative Sheila Jackson Lee announced today a bold initiative to take America back to the moon, and also added that she would be leading the mission.

In a press conference held at the NASA branch of Church’s Fried Chicken, Lee stated that she planned on the trip launching sometime later in the year; but assured constituents that she would be back in time for Kwanzaa.

As Lee outlines her bold space initiative; she also notes that she will find out what makes those stars so dam pointy and dangerous.
As Lee outlines her bold space initiative; she also notes that she will find out what makes those stars so dam pointy and dangerous.

Continue reading Congressman Woman Plans Mission To Moon

Bieber On Another Ass-Whipping Rampage

Breitbart News is reporting that Justin Bieber has assaulted another person. Apparently this time Bieber has beaten one of his neighbors near his home in Los Angeles. It makes one wonder what is going on in this world when in a matter of a year this kid can whip two grown men’s asses! Regular readers will remember it was less than a year ago that Bieber opened up a can of whoop-ass on a member of the paparazzi.

Alleged thug and ass-whipper, Justin 'da Pain' Bieber posing for his mug-shot photo. Bieber stated in the police report that he planned to eat the heart of the his victim and wear his intestines as a necklace.
Alleged thug and ass-whipper, Justin ‘da Pain’ Bieber posing for his mug-shot photo. Bieber stated in the police report that he planned to eat the heart of the his victim and wear his intestines as a necklace.

Something must be done about this little terror. This is just the kind of thing that could be avoided with more stringent border security and background checks on all immigrants or those in the country with work visas. Bieber, who has explicitly stated he has no intention of becoming an American citizen, should be kept under constant supervision due to his violent tendencies. Continue reading Bieber On Another Ass-Whipping Rampage