LSU capped an amazing season with a decisive loss to Alabama in the BCS Championship Game Monday night, stunning both Vegas oddsmakers and their fans.
Speaking during the post-game press conference, LSU coach Les Miles stated that it was never about winning. In fact it was more about screwing around with the hearts and souls of the fans and seeing if the team could actually lose a game.
“Face it,” Miles said, “there was a crap-load of games we barely squeaked by and won. Hell, half the season we were more worried about making sure we had a bail bondsman on retainer versus trying to plan for a game. So when we finally got here, I just looked at the guys and said screw it, we’re here to lose. Damn if it didn’t work.”
Miles’ players echoed the sentiments of their coach. Exiting a parole hearing, LSU Quarterback Jordan Jefferson confirmed that the team was bored with winning. In fact, he blamed the team’s success as one of the major causes of his recent run-ins with the authorities. Jefferson compared himself to a “spoiled rich kid crying out for help”, and was fearful that he was being targeted by white people out to keep the black man down.
His critics noted that it was ironic someone could feel targeted, when they obviously had no concept of targeting something like a receiver. Others noted that Jefferson would have broken 100 yards of offense had the referees allowed his interception shuffle-pass to Alabama count towards LSU’s offensive total.
As it became apparent after half-time that Jefferson was not going to lead the team to victory; many fans began the chant for Miles to put backup quarterback Jarrett Lee into the game. Lee, who had started most of the season due to Jefferson’s incarceration and subsequent suspension, stated that he was hopeful to be given the chance but it just wasn’t to be. “I asked coach Miles could I play, but he said that ‘something bad’ might happen to the team. So he made me sit on the bench and put needles in his Nick Sabin voodoo doll.
“I don’t think it worked.”